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The Origins of Cat Fu

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The ancient and noble art of Cat Fu was developed back in the days of the ancient Egyptians. The official moves of Cat Fu were first taught by a well-travelled rogue of a cat called ‘Tomb of the Ancestors’, known affectionately to his many lady-friends as ‘Ponky’. Ponky dedicated his life to perfecting and teaching the art.

Ponky began his travels at the tender age of 13 weeks, when the sudden bark of a local dog gave him such a fright that he accidentally fell into the Nile. Swept down-river, Ponky was thus carried far from his home, and almost drowned. As is the nature of cats, he was thoroughly embarrassed by the ignominious incident. Dragging himself at last from the muddy waters, he washed himself furiously and swore to develop a martial system that would allow cats the world over to avoid such situations in future, and conquer their fear of water. Thus began his epic journey.

Over the next 10 years, Ponky is said to have travelled far and wide for martial inspiration, drawing on a variety of sources including Siberian tigers, Tibetan skirmish rats, urban strike-goats, rabid platypuses and the occasional lady-friend who rejected his romantic advances. As is the nature of cats, he sang his newly-acquired knowledge to the moon every night, gallantly ignoring the cries of humans and the frequent well-aimed boots. And cats the world over listened, and learned, and whispered his wisdom to their kittens. And, as is the nature of kittens, they played, and hunted, and hid, and pounced, and slowly mastered Ponky’s teachings. But though Ponky tried time and again to return to the water, to learn from the swift and sly sharks and crocodiles therein, his fear of drowning was always too great, and each time he backed away without so much as dipping a paw.

Cats learn as swiftly as they breed, and upon his return to Egypt, Ponky’s martial teachings had already spread around the world. Ponky was greeted as a hero, and given the finest fish of the Nile to dine upon. Lady cats queued up to wash his ears, and tom cats boasted of how they had sniffed his tail. Through his golden years, he was surrounded by his kittens, grand-kittens, great grand-kittens and even one tiny great-great-great-great grand-kitten (who was also his niece; such is the nature of cats!). Ponky taught them all the art of Cat Fu, and taught them well. Even in his dotage, when his ears shook with palsy and his fish had to be minced for his one remaining tooth, his paws were still as swift and sure as they had been in his prime. Yet, until the day he died, he never did conquer his fear and return to the water. Today, over two thousand years later, all cats are now born knowing the rudiments of Cat Fu, but it is a brave and rare cat indeed who can bear to get his paws wet.